Another Christmas

It’s Christmas Day and once again I am on my own.

Annoyingly I have been looking forward to Christmas, then to only realise on the Christmas Eve day, that I will once again on Christmas be on my own.

And here I am on my own drinking rose wine and watching Keeping Up Appearances!

I guess I am used to it and not feeling as upset as I have been previous years, but it’s still frustrating and upsetting! Don’t think I wil ever get 100% used to it, unless I stop caring.

I hope everyone else is having a good Christmas though!

Love,

Baiba x

Lonely!

I feel really lonely.

I have work, family, friends, hobby and boyfriend, but I feel lonely! I feel like I have no one. I feel like I am just on my own, stuck in my own little world, whilst everyone else is moving on and progressing and getting on with their own life’s, without need me. It is always me, needing people, not the other way around.

I hate it!

I feel so lonely! Bored! Stuck! Insecure!

I wish I could run away. Change everything and never look back. But I can’t… I just keep wishing that thing would change, people would change, then getting upset and then blaming myself for everything- trying to change myself or as I like to fool myself, “making myself a better person”!

What a hell? I am great person and I don’t think I deserve to be in this shit and feel shit about who I am, but I do! How f*cking stupid is that!?

Purchase of the day!

I was on my break when I found out that David Beckham is holding a charity game at Old Trafford for UNICEF. I am sorry, but the main focus is on David Beckham. I love him. He seems like a great man with amazing talent and great heart and… yeah alright a really hot looks! So I felt like I couldn’t miss this game I a had to be there of course not only for him, but for the great cause that money goes to.

So I ended up going on manutd.com/tickets and surprise what I stumble on is a wait to even get to website. ‘BUSY’! So after the excitement- extreme excitement by the way, my colleagues have never seen me so hyper- I ended up with this red bar slowly moving and telling me how long I will have to wait to get on it. LONG. After 3 attempts and 2 time outs- of course the website was super slow- and after 3 hours of hair pulling, shouting at my computer and broken nails I did buy the tickets! YEEEEEEYYY! Didn’t think that I have that much patient in me!

My first EVER post

WOW!

This is my first ever post on a blog! I better makes this one count!

I always thought that having your own blog is a sign that you are cool. But am I really?

Not sure that I am changed person now, but I know for sure that I have wanted to have a place where I can share my life or say what I feel out loud, not just to myself in my head. I guess, I am hoping that once something is written down it isn’t as scary, lonely, stupid or ridiculous. It just is and I can move on from there and stop going through it over and over again in my head. Makes sense!?